Are you stressed and your self esteem is constantly taking a bashing? Over 50 means you may be feeling saggy, baggy, dull and invisible. Does that hit the spot? I'm not going to pretend that Over 50 is necessarily an easy age to be at but there is hope - honestly.

As it's winter I've been watching more reality TV and seeing every form of facelift, tummy tuck and cosmetic enhancement available to us on the market today. The grateful "recipient" comes away from surgery, where they appear to have been treated to a brutal form of self inflicted torture, totally grateful for their new face and/or body. That's great, however, in the long term what will they do when everything goes southwards again? Most of the cosmetic enhancements I've seen only have a shelf life of 10yrs max.

Are you going to put yourself through all this trauma every 10yrs? Will you be able to afford it? Will it have really changed your self esteem levels?

Unless you are happy with the inner you, you won't have the ability to deal successfully with what is happening to the outer, visible you.

So, what's the magic potion to gain self esteem instantly? The answer, like most things in life, is hard work! You've got to work on what you can see as your assets and learn to train yourself to keep finding good things about your personality and body. We all have good and bad points but what's the point of dwelling on the grotty bits: let's get positive and find those great bits - even if we have to dig deep sometimes! Also let's bring some humour into the equation, even in the most awful times of our lives there is usually, quite unexpectantly, some humour. Of course it may be black humour but so what?

Here's a short list of what is wrong with me

• Baggy eyes
• 2 or maybe 3 chins
• Kangaroo tummy
• Short sighted
• Teeth on the move (as overbrushed gums receed)
• Hair thinning
• Unable to catch peoples eye or attention when out

That is my negative perception of myself. I have the choice. I can live my life allowing these bad points to affect how I feel about myself or I can stand back from myself and say, "Hang on a minute I'm not bad at all for 53 and there are many ways I can daily improve myself".

Sounds unbelievable? Not really. The more negative spin you put on life the more you will suffer negative traits and the more upbeat and positive ways you adopt the more you will achieve a higher level of self esteem.

All the points on my short list were true in a way, however, there are ways to make them far less powerful in our lives. Perhaps one of the most vital thought patterns you need to adopt is the

Think tall and beautiful to be tall and beautiful

Of course you are not going to become a 6 foot tall willowy beauty just by chanting this mantra everyday. But if you improve our stature and learn to smile and portray a lively, happy personality, you will find that people will describe and judge you by the personality you portray (ie. bright, attractive and fun to be around) rather than what you physically look like. The wrinkles will be laughter lines and the slghtly crooked teeth will all be part of the bright and smiling you!

If you don't believe me then do a small experiment. When out shopping, go into one shop as the grumpy, low self esteem you. How do people react to you? Now go into the next shop smiling, happy and ready to engage in cheery conversation for just a sentence or two.

Was there a change? Did you notice the difference between the two in how you felt? People treated you diferently didn't they?

Make this small exercise a daily occurence. As you slowly build your confidence back in yourself your features should become brighter and you and others should comment and say they see a difference in you which they may not be able to quite put their finger on.

What have you got to lose? Try it and see.

If you still think the knife is for you, start the process by splashing out on a really good professional haircut and make up consultation. Try our the shopping experiment and see if you can use the high maintenance ie haircut and makeup regime rather than spend thousands on cosmetic surgery.

Learn to use your inner worth and personality to it's full potential as you age, and although it may be harder to achieve as 50 and above approaches, in the long term it will be better for you mentally. You will have control of your mind and self esteem rather than hand it over to a surgeon who can only deal with the flabby, saggy bits which will eventually recur anyway - does that make sense? I hope so.

Christina Vickery

Hi I used to run Stress Awareness presentations within companies throughout the south of England. Then I moved to the New Forest and decided to set up my website on stress, based on my own experiences over the last few traumatic years. The website has proved to be cathartic and I am now adding to it, to include a much wider overview of stress and the anxieties which come with it. Life is a huge rollercoaster and as long as we can keep learning from our experiences then we will always be able to handle stress and its affects on our lives - I must say I have sometimes questioned just how much I have needed to experience some of the learning curves that have been thrown at us! I am passionate in my belief that the world is full of kind and helpful people, and that together we can share our experiences and knowledge to become much happier and evolved souls - sounds a bit "New Age" I know but what is the alternative - shut your door and not share with others - that's never going to help anyone. If we learn to trust and share with others then most of us will be amazed the level of love and support which we can not only give but also receive. There ends the sermon! Seriously though friends and loved ones can help us through the darkest times of our lives and so we must trust more and express ourselves more without feeling ashamed or embarrassed - a bit difficult for us Brits at times. My future plans are to build my website and make a warm and welcoming place for people to visit to get support, advice and information.