I know from experience that the best women I met were the ones who were open to some sort of casual, not too serious arrangement (best because they were pleasant, good company, didn't play games etc). This may seem counter-intuitive but the ones that were looking for something serious were usually very guarded and very "picky" to the point of being sociopathic at times. Often times these women enjoyed years of having sex with players, and now all of a sudden they feel "used", which of course makes them try especially hard to never be used again. This manifests itself as paranoia and a very unhealthy inhibition towards the guy making any sort of move. Alternatively, if the guy doesn't make a move she feels "no chemistry" and that he wasn't confident enough to go for it. It's a very fine line, one which you shouldn't be bothered trying to walk.

The best way to convey the win-win situation, that it's okay to be intimate outside of a relationship, is by first being honest about your intentions, and doing it in such a way that helps the woman flip the "permission" switches in her mind which allow her to open herself up to a man even if he isn't seeking something "serious". NLP and patterning is very useful in this regard. For example, you can talk about having fun and not holding back if attraction is there, and if something more happens great, but let's not have hangups about anything.

This, in fact, is one of the most healthy ways to start a relationship if you happen to want one. As a matter of fact, I was in a great relationship with a woman years ago whom I slept with on the first night. This is the way to go, as it paves the way for possibly something more later on, but on happier less contrived terms.

Consider bar situations It is assumed that you are not looking for anything serious anyway, so the situation is already pre-qualified. But on the internet you have to screen hard for the good women in order to pre-qualify them.

It is indeed ironic that the best women are often the ones who are open to something not-so-serious. Not universally true but true enough so that I can say this: When you tell women you are looking for something serious you are generally opening yourself up to a lot of takers, and women who don't care about you as a person with normal "guy needs", and care mostly about their "man-trapping" skills. These women usually can't enjoy intimacy, and/or haven't been with a man in ages. It is disturbing but I have found little evidence to support otherwise. And I know plenty of experienced guys who concur with me on this.

The biggest sense of lunacy, which guys must avoid like the plague, is the need to date and go out (like dinner, dancing, etc.) with a woman you just met, who hasn't yet telegraphed real interest in you. If you are the type of guy who does this you must avoid that totally. Any woman who seems interested in dating must be told that, although dating is cool, you only date women you are sleeping with. Seems unfair? Hardly. The truth is that although men are made to feel bad about wanting sex (at the woman's expense), women are never made to feel bad about wanting to date (at the man's expense). The best compromise of course is to add in the sex as a natural part of dating. Therefore, she gets what she wants and the guy gets what he wants. But really, intimacy is fun for everyone right?

You will obviously get less dates if you do this, but believe me when I say the women you meet will usually be awesome company (quality over quantity). Being upfront like this is the way to do it. And best of all you avoid most of the takers.

Copyright 2006 Vittorio Norman