I once emailed the staff of a renowned British cosmologist. To my surprise, I got an answer from one of his staff. I forget what we were discussing, but here is the answer I got: "The universe was created from nothing and everywhere at once." That was the BIG BANG! The theory of the "big bang" implies that if not enough oomph was supplied initially; the stars would not have had enough time to form and go supernova. No supernova, no people on planets like earth. We are made from the contents of exploding stars, you know. That is where the elements beyond hydrogen are formed. One very important element to we humans is carbon, but there are others too. Did you ever have an iron deficiency? If too much oomph was supplied initially, the dispersion would be so great that stars would never form at all. We are not part of that scenario; however, I have it on good authority that that is exactly what happened on the first try at creating this universe. One angel was heard to say, "I think you need to cut back a mite, God!" (Some disagree with this. They say the angel said, "You may have to cut back from all your might, God." They are just being picky.) Hearing that comment, God said, "Sometimes I don't know my own oomph." If things were just perfect, stars would form, stick around for a while, and go supernova. Boom! That is probably exactly what happened and everything was hunky dory. Later, planets formed around some of the stars. If things went well, and a star planetary system didn't get sucked into a black hole, God could generate life, grass, giraffes, monkeys and lesser creatures. I hate to add a complication here, but the planet must have a stable orbit and orientation towards the parent star. You can't have a planet wobbling every which way and expect winter to come in winter and summer to come in summer. Weather Predictors would be in great demand, however. God formed a moon for our planet. (For the uninitiated in astronomy, our planet is called "Earth." Some call her "Mother Earth.") The moon keeps the axis of our planet tilted 23 degrees to the orbital plain. (Some spell plain in orbital plain, "plain." They are known as the "spelling deficient.") Since our planet has a stable orbit and summer follows spring most of the time, we can grow crops. We can look out the door and say, "I think a light sweater will be okay today." Our weathermen can say, "We expect rain the next few days." And when we look out the window and see clouds and the rain coming down, we say, "We! The weatherman was right this one time." Well, I'm sorry to report that things are not perfect. There is a lot of stuff left over from the big bang that threatens us. Until the angels finish cleaning up the construction site, we are in danger of annihilation or worse. There have been half dozen incidences of extinction on our planet. We know this because those who study the fossil remains of dead things say so. I suggest that you don't take "Big Galaxy and Star" magazine unless you are fearless. They say things like this: 1. "This photo shows the galaxy GX1243 passing through the center of Galaxy GX78999443." They don't give the radio report from the planet Xeenon so I will give it here: "We advise all the inhabitants of Xeenon to take the position suggested during the Cold War on planet Earth. Farewell friends!" (To those of you too young to remember the position it was: "it under a strong table or desk. Pull your knees up to your chin and then spread them just far enough that you can lower your head and kiss your butt goodbye.") 2. "Astronomers at Bloge University reported that they have identified the object that emitted more light than all the stars in the sky on December 17, 2003. The object has been named "Big Glow" and the radiation may have come from a physical change of state." Then they casually mention that if Big Glow were 6 light years from the earth instead of 30 light years, all life on earth would have been destroyed. It all happened in a flash! 3. "This photo shows the interaction of a black hole with next neighbor stars in GX89006." They don't give the radio report from the planet Foobia. Therefore, as a public service, I will give it here: "All those who were selected for Space Flight "GetGo" should now be at the launching pad. Those who are on the flight should show their "Neutered Certificate." We can't have this warring race propagated throughout the universe. All others, who have been issued farewell flags, should wave them now." 4. "A meteor whizzed past the earth at 10 times the speed of sound on August 4, 2005. The mass was one tenth the mass of our moon. Those who were up at 3:00 a.m. in Uxaland on the morning of August 4, 2005 would have seen the spectacular sight except for the fact that heavy cloud cover there prevented observation." What they didn't say was, "If that object had hit the earth, we would have missed the September issue deadline." By the way, this brings up a very interesting question. We know the names of all the moons in the universe, but darned if I don't know anyone who knows the name of ours. I am suggesting a name for our moon and am submitting the following revision to Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary: "No Name Moon: 1. the earth's natural satellite that shines by the sun's reflected light, revolves about the earth from west to east about 291/2 days with reference to the son or about 271/2 days with reference to the earth, and has a diameter of 2160 miles (3475 kilometers), a mean distance from the earth of 238,900 miles (384,400 kilometers), and a mass of about 1/8th of the earth. Usu. Used with 'the.'" I was going to call it Pumpkin, but I didn't want our moon, "No Name Moon," to not have the first definition in the dictionary. That just wouldn't be right. Does anyone remember what the subject of this article is? Oh, yes! It is: "Living with the Big Bang." Tally Ho! copyrightJohn Taylor Jones, Ph.D. 2005 |
