Where do you want to go?

I dont care.

I dont care either.

Just pick something.

OK, we could go here or here.

It doesnt matter to me.

Pick one.

Round and round it goes, where it stops nobody knows. As a single man, Ive overheard conversations like the one above between my friends who are couples and Ive come to a conclusion. Having a girlfriend means an end to having actual conversation.

Youd really have to love someone to spend 20 minutes going back and forth about which fast food restaurant to hit up for a late night snack. Youd have to be crazy to act like youre involved in the most interesting conversation youve ever had. The fact you cant decide between Wendys and Taco Bell isnt a cause for laughing and giggling. Its pathetic.

Puppy dog eyes are not required to pick a movie. If anything, they should be saved for the movie when the lights are low and no one is watching. Poor attempts at humor and at acting macho shouldnt come into play when discussing whose car to take. Save it for at the bar when some drunken guys are harassing her.

These innocent, meaningless conversations are held up by some as a sign of true love. Next week, those same people will be jealous when their significant other dares to have one with someone else.

How could you be calling so and so? What were you talking about?

I just wanted to know if they wanted to hang out.

Hang out, like hang out, or like hang out.

Its not a big deal.

I cant believe you.

Ownership of all pointless activity planning conversations is the exclusive domain of the significant other. Any pointless conversation with someone other than the significant other will be viewed as a breach in trust. As such, the significant other retains the right to terminate the relationship because you asked another human being to go to McDonalds.

Its all there in black and white. The standard relationship contract both requires these conversations and lays the ground rules for how they are to take place.

All conversations of a planning nature must be overly flirtatious and five times longer than necessary. A decision can be reached only after both parties have refused to make a decision at least three times. Enlisting the help of a third wheel bystander is permitted, but only if the underlying purpose is an inside joke between the couple.

If I happen to find myself in a relationship, the standard relationship contract is going in the garbage after being lit on fire. Dating games are not as fun as the actual date. If I happen to be with The One, however, the prenup will be making an appearance. I have to protect all the cash Im not making.