You should be consistent when you raise your kids. That is probably something you would easily agree with, being a parent. Kids are well off with a set of guidelines that help them grow. Nothing is more frustrating than when you come home and you do not know what to expect from your father or mother. Today they say this, tomorrow they respond completely opposite to the same issue... All true, yet, how do we know whether all these issues are similar... And what is consistency exactly? First the parents. they are the captains of "industry". Not every child is raised by two parents, but when there are two captains on the ship they should act like one. Obviously there are differences between both parents on emotional support they give children, but their philosophy (the rational approach) in raising children should be the same. This is about discipline, homework first, helping at home, showing respect, etc. Differences between children can make the consistency issue a real challenge. Boys are different than girls and a mix of them in a team raises the issue of consistent parenting. "Should the oldest one receive the same treatment as the youngest." Or when the youngest grows up and the times have changed a bit -- will the same criteria still be valid? Or did we learn from the mistakes we experienced with the oldest one. A new environment -- when you have moved to another place -- will also make that the rules could change somehow. Do we then mean with consistency that all the children will receive the same attentions, the same kind of presents? How would you respond to difference in characters? One child can be really demanding and recalcitrant whereas the other is more "easy-going" and quiet. How about being consistent now? Would you act the same to each of them? This is especially hard to cope with. One child requires a more disciplined approach whereas the other could do with motivation only. Young kids need more and different attention than older ones. With youngsters you should direct more, whereas with older children you should let them free, but set previous agreed limits. You direct them less, and thats how it should be, because they are managing themselves. And when you direct less the importance of consistency diminishes. Being consistent is obviously important, but its importance diminishes during time. Being consistence fits a straight forward management approach where you are in the lead. But step by step your child should take this leading role. When they grow up you should be less concerned with being consistent but more with setting the right limits. Your input changes from managing the direction, to coping with the exceptions. 2006 Hans Bool |
